Conspiracy Corner – Iranian Space Monkey

Is there any better combination of words than “Space Monkey?” I can’t help but picture an imaginary Brad Pitt utter those words, such is the joy “space monkey”, as a phrase, gives me.

Space monkeys is what I was all about this morning, specifically the Iranian variety (although I don’t believe Iran has any indigenous monkeys, space-variety or otherwise), which may, or may not, have been on a round trip through the outer atmosphere of the Earth.

The issue can be illustrated thusly. This is a space monkey before heading out on a spot of space flight:


This is a space monkey after said flight.


Spot the difference?

What happened to the space monkey?

To my mind there are at least six possibilities:

  1. There was a successful launch, the monkey survived and returned to Earth but there was a photo mix-up (this is quite possible – five monkeys were rumoured to have been trained for space flight – and this is the official position of Iran).
  2. There was a successful launch but the monkey died before returning to Earth; Iran’s space agency, however, wanted to suggest it returned to Earth alive. If this is the case we have a relatively minor conspiracy on our hands.
  3. The launch was unsuccessful launch and the monkey died – conspiracy
  4. The launch was successful launch but the monkey did not go – conspiracy (but an unlikely one since you then have to spin a story as to how the Iranian spaceflight agency managed to cock up the photos).
  5. There was no launch at all – a major conspiracy but also an unlikely one.
  6. There is no such place as Iran (like the other pseudo-country, Belgium, or the pseudo-state of the US, Idaho.

More thoughts on the matter below (warning: this segment was literally phoned in, so the audio quality is a little shoddy and my thoughts, when transmitted by phone, always seem a little more scattered than usual).